Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
