nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
