My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
