Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
