god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
