i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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