i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
