belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You can't special order awesome
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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