Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
