i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
