Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
