my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
