Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
