my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize