My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
