I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
