So drunk its hurt
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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