Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
