you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
