I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
