your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
