it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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