I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
