um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize