sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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