Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
