it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
