Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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