It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
