Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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