why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He better not be in your backpack
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
