every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
