we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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