If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
