No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
