My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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