question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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