Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
