i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
