1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
