I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
