hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize