im six kinds of drunk right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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