This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
