Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
