you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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