I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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