So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
