I cockslap morals
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
