i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
