this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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