sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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