No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
