I wanna bring you to show and tell
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize