I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
