She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i need some magic done to my vagina
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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