i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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