I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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