If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
