i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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