Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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