I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
