She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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