if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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