i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
