"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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