I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
