Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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