Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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