24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
