well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
