seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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