Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
