I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
