I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
