Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
