): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
