ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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