he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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