Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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