Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize