i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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