I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
