She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
