Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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