he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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