Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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