I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
