k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
