The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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