I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
