What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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