Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she looked like the before picture.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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