im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize