Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
