I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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