Having a random hookup so left but love u
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
