M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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