I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
