i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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