Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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