Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I faked an abortion last night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
