i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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