I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
