No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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