I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
