for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
