I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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