I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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