so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
